- Billie Eilish has revealed everyone at her 20th birthday party was an ‘employee’
- She admits she used to push friends – including Zoe Kravitz – away for fear they wouldn’t like her
- She also says that she ditched being cool for ‘actually enjoying her life’
She’s the pop star who shot to fame at just 17 with her song, Bad Guy.
But now aged 22, Billie Eilish has revealed she had an “existential crisis” at her 20th birthday party – when she realized every person on the guest list was there as an employee.
“’I was like, ‘Oh, s***, I literally don’t have friends. I don’t have people that see me as an equal. I don’t have people that aren’t afraid of me,” she told Rolling Stone in an interview.
Describing the way that hits such as the Beatles’ With a Little Help From My Friends and Lily Allen’s Smile, made her feel physically sick, Eilish also admitted her pal Zoë Kravitz, 35, would often ask her to hang out, but she couldn’t bear the thought of committing to plans.
“I remember her being like, ‘Why won’t you hang out with me?’” the singer said. “And I was like, ‘Because when you get to know me, you’re going to know me, and that’s so terrifying to me, because then I’m not just, like, this person you think is cool. And what if you don’t like me?”
While the pair now have a thriving friendship, Eilish also spoke about the pressure she feels being in the public eye.
“[Being an enigma] used to be a thing I would strive for,’ she admitted. “I used to be so obsessed with this mysteriousness, and I think that’s 100 percent why I didn’t make any friends, because I didn’t want anyone to know me, because I wanted everyone to think of me as this mysterious, cool person.
“I loved the idea of people feeling that way, but then I thought, ‘Oh, here I am sitting alone in my room, loving the feeling that everybody thinks I’m really cool, but I’m not actually getting anything out of that. I’m not enjoying anything in my life at all.’”
